That's right I don't high five. I don't say that's hot. I don't say I'm rocking this or that. I'm a yes or no kind of girl. If you ask me what's new, I might say "not much", for lack of desire to elaborate. Idol conversation is not my thing. I am happy when you achieve something, however, I don't know how to share your same level of enthusiasm. When you get new shoes, I might say, "those are nice," but that's it. Not because, I'm mean or a hater, stuff for you just doesn't move me. That doesn't make me selfish, because I'm a very giving person. I can right YAY without a problem, but to express it verbally, just doesn't sound right coming out of my mouth. I've been described as being like the cartoon character Darya. Not so much, because I'm silly. I relate mostly to Miranda on "Sex and the City," but I have many Charlotte and Carrie tendacies. If I was one of the "Girlfriends" I would say I have the wit of Toni and Lynn, and the OCD of Joan. But really, I'm me. I laugh a lot more than the average person. I also probably cry more as well. Does that make me bipolar? Nah, I don't like certain labels.
I use to write off my lack of enthusiasm for things as, I just don't excite. Not all false. I do excite, just not the way everyone else does. I don't emote like everyone, it's more internal. Unless, I'm having relations. T to the M to the I. When someone says something clever or poignant, I'm not inclined to high five them. High-fiving actually makes me uncomfortable for some reason, it's so unnatural to me. Seriously, I've given this some serious thought. There are those who high five and those who don't. I have a friend, actually several friends from Detroit, who high five to everything. When then they throw their hands up to touch mine, it's as if a gravity pull shoots through my arm resisting it. I then do it, and it turns out as I expected, I feel idiotic for doing it. As I stated before, I'm not one to get excited, or even be interested for that matter in someone else's shoes. That type of stuff doesn't get a rise out of me. I just had a situation with a friend, who had on a new pair of shoes, and she said, "You see my new shoes?" I looked at them, and they were nice, so I said, "They're nice." However, she wanted me to react differently. She went on to say, "What, you don't compliment people?" It's not that, it's just that nine times out of ten, I just can't get excited for something that has nothing to do with me. Even things that have to do with me don't really move me either. I use to actually think there was something wrong with me until I saw an episode of 'Sex and City" where Miranda told people that she was having a boy, and everyone was excited but her. She even went on to say that she faked a boy. At that moment, I knew I wasn't alone in the world. Recently, when I was in Vegas, a bride passed by, and my friend said, "You look beautiful," to the bride. I just stood there. She then turned to me and said, "Dena, why didn't you say she looked beautiful?"
I responded, "Because, I didn't think she looked beautiful." As messed up as it sounds, I didn't think she was beautiful for many reasons, and should I be expected to lie to someone. Should I? No, not gonna happen. I am honest, unless I have to get out of a sticky situation.
My friend, who was probably annoyed from spending so much time with me, turned to me and said, "All brides are beautiful." That's debatable, but needless to say, it made me question myself (as everything does), because I'm so introspective, and self-aware.
Was I wrong for not acknowledging when people look better than normal? Am I a mean person, because I don't come to your level of excitement? People compliment me often, and I must admit it makes me uncomfortable. As I've grown, I've managed to just say 'thank you,' but before, if someone would say, "Your hair looks nice today."
I would combat them with, "What was wrong with it yesterday?"
I would always say, I can't help it, that's just the way that I am. However, a friend of mine recently mentioned something that she took away from a seminar that some might call a cult, but they frankly state that, behavior is not your nature, it's simply who you are choosing to be at that moment. Was I choosing to be aloof?
Since, I'm always on a quest for growth, I've made it a challenge to engage in idol conversation even if it makes my skin crawl like it often does. I remember recently, a friend asked me about another friend. I said, "She's fine." and my friend responded, "Just fine, that's all." The old me would be screaming inside, "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? I DON'T WANT TO DISCUSS HER!" The new me decided to elaborate, "Oh she's fine and the baby's getting big." I know that isn't much of a leap but, for me, it speaks volumes. It's about putting forth effort to build and nurture my relationships. Whether, I like it or not, small talkers get ahead. Bullshit conversation about hair, and clothes, keep the world moving. I remember, I was interviewing for a job once, and looked over and noticed that the lady had a beagle. At the time, I wanted a beagle, so I asked her about her dog, and next thing you know, I got a job offer. Bullshit, works everytime.
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