The Great Fall

Before coming to China, I didn't realize that there was a possibility that I wouldn't get to see the Great Wall. Giving that I was staying in Nanjing, which is like going from New York City to North Carolina, the odds for making it to The Great Wall seemed slim. However, where there is a will there is a way. God bless China for being one of the last countries in the world where the U.S. dollar goes far. Getting around is pretty damn inexpensive. A 10 hour train ride is 150RMB or $21(as of March/April 2008) assuming you are riding in the hard seats, which I don't recommend. If you're taking a two to three hour trip, then fine get the cheap seats. However, from Nanjing to Beijing it's approximately 10 hours. Not cool!!! Mind you, that's all that the train booth attendant said they had available for the day that we were traveling (questionable, but oh well). So being that it was inexpensive, I jumped at those seats.

I was prepared for this trip. I packed snacks for the ride, got extra antibacterial wipes, and I bought extra batteries for my camera. I laid my wardrobe ahead of time. I finished drinking liquids so wouldn't have to use the nasty train toilets. I helped my boyfriend get his stuff together, because he would be coming directly from work. I was ready.

We got to the train station an hour early for extra time to find the train. As soon as we sat down some teens began laughing at us. Because we're African American, they laugh. I can't take offense, because honestly I've laughed at them on millions of occasions, but not like that. Oh well! So we got to our seats, and oh my god! I had know idea that the hard seats were so cramped and you couldn't recline. Even worse, we were sitting directly across from giggly teens or early twenty-somethings. There was no leg room, and my thirty-something knee doesn't like to stay bent for long lengths of time. It was now about 11 p.m. and Arien who is the total opposite of a night owl was already starting to dose, and since I'm a borderline insomniac I was getting restless (get it restless, insomniac) and irritable. The whole ride was just uncomfortable. All I could think about was not getting to the Great Wall or Tiananmen Square, but the expensive seats that we purchased on the way back. So finally the night was over, and I survived with drowning myself in the pee hole of a toilet that's so popular in China. Speaking of that I held my urine as long as possible before finally having to get up and use the nasty train pee hole. Uh, yuck yuck yucky. I avoid their public facilities as much as possible but that's another quick blog.

So as soon as the train stops, we look out the window and there's our tour guide waiting for us with a sign say Ms. Michelle (my middle name). We proceed to the long walk to the car. By the way the Beijing train station is less desirable than the Shanghai and the Nanjing stations. Arien and I go into the closest hotel's rest room to freshen up a bit while the tour guide waits. However, this stop put a weird pace to the tour. We then proceeded to Tiananmen Square where all of the big shit goes down in China. The home of the commies. It was cold and I must say everything the guide (who calls herself Selena) said went in one ear and right out the other. o.k. I don't think a lot of it went into either ear. It's a little shallow but none of that meant anything to me. That doesn't mean that I didn't take a hundred pictures there, because I did, but it just didn't move me. That's why I don't traditionally take tours when I travel, because non of the information never resonates with me. Also I like the freedom of coming and going when I please. However, in this case taking a tour seemed like the best idea, since I had read how people get taken for rides figuratively and literally in Beijing. Now I have read where you can hire a taxi driver for the day who can drive you wherever you want to go, but I felt that a tour guide would help expedite any of the hassles. Like standing in long lines buying tickets, and moving us along efficiently, since we were under such tight time restraints. Apparently, Arien saw it differently. He was offended that the tour guide was moving so fast and hurrying us along. Honestly, I didn't mind because, it was cold and there was nothing to see at the square besides a few monoliths and statues. We then proceeded to the Forbidden City, which was right across the street from the "square." Now that was a sight to see...for about the first 15 minutes. Then I was like, "enough already." Once you've seen one Asian styled building, you've seen them all. This place just kept going and going. I will not make my bad Energizer bunny joke. It was massive. Again I didn't retain much from that experience, except for a bunch of photos of the same building, well that's what it's going to look like when show people. Freezing in Beijing wasn't that much fun, but the fact that I was there in the place where I lot of shit went down in history, I was pleased. Arien and I bought gloves from a guy on the street and the "janky" Selena who speaks Chinese, neglected to help us bargain with guy. She waited until after to tell us that we paid to much. Uhhh you biatch!!! Oh I forgot we rushed the garden whose name escapes me right now. Since we started the tour an hour later than the website listed and we took a long freshen up break, we were off schedule.

Finally we headed to the reason we trekked all the way to Beijing from Nanjing on those uncomfortable "hard seats." Off to the Great Wall were. (screeching stop sound)But wait we must stop at the Jade shop and have lunch there too. Here we go again. Why is it every tour has a place where they take you, where they obviously get kickbacks? In Shanghai, it was the pearl factory. Let me just say, I don't dig pearls or jade. However, if you read the blog about bargaining, the jade store's lesson in jade came in handy. The drive from the city center (Selena pronounced city "citay") was about 40 minutes, and all along the way, Arien kept asking if we could stop and buy jackets, because it was colder than weather.com said it would be, and at the Great Wall it would be about 20 degrees colder. However, the driver never quite stopped. So as we approached the mountains, it was apparent that the weather conditions were not great. I kept thinking that my only saving grace for staying warm were my Uggs. The joke would soon be on me. The sight was awesome. It was foggy just like I expected. From what we saw of the mountains, it really amazes me that they needed a wall to keep invaders out. The mountains would've been enough for me. I can't believe that people climbed those mountains to attack and then climbed over the wall. That's insane. So we finally arrive and snow is falling from trees, and there's bunches of ice on the path. I'm thinking, I live in chicago (chi cagggggo) I can handle this. We first stop at a stand because we were still freezing, and bought the only cheesy sweatshirts that they had. It said, 'I climbed the Great Wall." We begin climbing, and I'm not only still freezing, I also not photo ready. My hair was busted, and I now had on a blind as a bat red sweatshirt over my great pumpkin orange sweat suit, while wearing Uggs. I forgot the mention the bears that were on display before we entered. They looked like Jim Belushi in "Trading Places" when he was dressed up like a bear. They did not seem real. One was acting rowdy like a school mascot, like he was going to attack. Anyway back to the climb. At every few feet we climbed we stopped to take a cheesy picture. My worry was that the visibility was so bad that no one would believe that I was actually climbing the Great Wall. My worry should have been the people in the background of our photos sliding down. So as we climbed, I noticed something missing in the mist of all of the snow. SALT! I didn't let that bother me. I kept climbing. On a dry Autumn day under pleasant circumstances the climb would've been very strenuous, but this day was times 10 no 50. I felt my feet slip a few times, but thought to myself, 'you can do this.' Then after awhile it kept getting steeper, and Arien's who was ahead of me was slipping a little, which started to worry me. Then it happened, I fell on my left hip. Boom. Arien then said take my hand. My thinking was if I took his hand and he fell we would both go tumbling down horribly, or if I fell again so would he. So I manned up and kept going, until it happened again on an even steeper part. I was getting very defeated and fearful at this point. We hadn't even made it half way across yet and people were throwing snowballs everywhere. I was sweating and holding back tears of embarrassment, because I knew that I would end up on somebody's website falling. "Neega Fallen at Great Wall.com" would appear on youtube.com. I was kind of shook up at this point. A whole crew of Asians were surrounding me like Ms. Sofia's brothers crowded Ms. Millie in "The Color Purple" helping Arien pick me up. Arien being the nice guy, gentleman told Selena that we could go now. I felt like a buster. First, I didn't zip line in Costa Rica, now this happened. So we started down the wall cautiously. I know Selena was happy, because she has to walk the Great Wall all the time. About half way down it happened again, and I started yelling obscenities, and slowly got back up. I wanted it to be over. Then some Asian had the bright idea to come tell me to just start sliding. Well actually he motioned it, and like a dummie who wanted this adventure to be over, I did it. In the midst of my hysteria, I had clarity that that was the dumbest move yet. Now my ass was wet not only from snow, but from frozen Chinese spit. I felt like such a dick head. I broke out balling. Arien being the nice guy, was trying to calm me down. It's o.k Dena. It's o.k. So of course once we finally made off of the wall, I put a twist to my experience. Well at least I have a story to tell. Most people that have been, can just say, "Hey, guess what? I climbed the Great Wall." I can say I fell at the Great Wall. Even more so, I can say I slid down the Great Wall.

Before we left, I bought my stereotypical Asian samurai hat. Now I was sitting in the back seat freezing my ass off literally. Now since the wall was cut short, thanks to yours truly, we were ahead of schedule. So Selena, started pulling things out of her ass to fill the time up. All I wanted to do was get some new underwear, since I brought an extra pair of jeans. The killing part was my gut instinct (which is spirit) told me to bring an extra pair, and I ignored the voice. Bad host (in the voice of Arsenio). Arien had to see the stadium where the Olympics are going to be held, so we drove by there. What's with men and stadiums? Anyway, we took a few flicks, although it was foggy and I was still freezing. That's when the jokes started. I told Arien he could make jokes. So he started. I was sore and ready to see what our expensive seats were like, but I was not looking forward to a 10 hour train ride. After walking around to shops by the train station, we made our way over there. Boring I know, I really don't know why I'm sharing every detail, so I'll fast forward to the train. We get on our train carriage, and bingo we hit the jackpot. Not only did we have good seats we had a sleeper that we shared with 2 other people. Then I found out that we had the upper bunk, and I had a flashback of the wall. "I don't wanna climb any more." I thought, then some Asian kids asked us if we would trade with them so they could be with their friends. "Thanks Buddha." As we were leaving I thought I heard the kids say, "Thanks Neega!" then I kept hearing Neega this Neega that. All I could think was the white man has done a job on this world, but I didn't dwell on it, because we were in "train heaven" or shall I say Nirvana. We played 3 games of Spades and the next thing I saw was the train worker knocking on the door saying, "Waka Up, Nanijing stop at 5:14."

Dor Cheow Chen (How much)

Bargaining can be quite the sport. It can be very liberating knowing that you just set the price that you wanted to pay for an item. However, in China you must be willing to resolve that you probably never get the lowest price. The fact is if you are a foreigner they are going to hike the price up on general principal. No matter what you off a merchant just know that it probably cost 1 cent to make whatever it is that you want to purchase. My only advice to you is to know how much you are willing to pay. Also it is important to not become married to an item.

First things first when bargaining in China. Always, always underbid. The thing to know is how much should you underbid. When seeking out a souvenir that you've seen at a hundred different booths, go really low. If the merchant shuns you away, you can go to the next booth and start bidding at another price point. On more expensive rare items it is best not to go to low, because there might not be another chance to get that item. Unlike the markets with the everyday souvenirs, you don't want to offend the merchants for the reason just stated. When you approach a booth for some reason they always hold up an item that they think a typical tourist would want. In China, that typical item is going to be some fake jade beads. Here's quick lesson in jade authenticating. First look at the color. Real jade is a cloudy green or beige. Then take a coin and hit it. Plastic sounds like plastic and real jade sounds like how real crystal is supposed to sound. I must warn you that fake glass jade sounds a lot like real jade, but look at the color, if it is somewhat translucent then that's a dead give away that you're being had. That was the cliff notes version of "Jade 101". Nevertheless if you are touring China and reading this blog you're probably going to visit a jade shop especially if you take the Great Wall tour.

It is important also to know that merchants no matter where you go are hustlers by nature, so they're number one goal is to make money. So keep in mind they are always going to profit more than they will let you know. That is to say, don't fall for their guilt trips that they will try to run on you. They will make hand gestures and karate flick sounds, but it is merely part of their routine. That's why you should develop your routine before you go. Some routines can be more dramatic than others, but the basic routine works. Mind you, they all have the big out dated calculator that they will pull out. So when you pick up and item, know that they are going to push in the highest price. They do this to see if they are dealing with a sucker. Now the important thing to counter with something rediculously low.(Not if it's a rare antique) This sets the bidding stage. They wave their hand an mutter some profanities that you can't understand, but know they are profane just by tone and body language. If they don't walk off then you're still in the game. Now it's time to come up to something more reasonable, but not your maximum. They rattle off more profanities, and that's when you walk away. The walk away always works. They expect, but it's part of the game. You may begin to draw a crowd of other merchants, but don't let that get you nerved up. They are all in it together. If anything, it's the last 12 seconds to the game and you are the clutch player, so step up and name your price. They are always going to up the ante. Now it's time for the final walk away. Then they will come back with, Hello! Ok! Ok! Ok! How much? or Last price last price. That's when you get your cheesy little fan and walk off into the sunset or alleyway.

The Confucius Temple market also known as Fuzimiao in Nanjing is where I tested my bargaining skills, but these rules hold true wherever you go in China, weather it be Nanjing Road in Shanghai or the souvenir stand at the Great Wall. However, if you're in Nanjing and you want a more non-cheesy souvenir the Chaotian Gong Market is a good place to purchase more unique items. This is where the real bidders come to bid. I must admit, I just visited there and I don't know if I was ready. I say that only because, in order to know if you're getting a good price, you must be quite knowledgeable of Chinese art and antiques. One thing I had going for me was... O.k. the two things that I had going for me were, that I knew my financial limits and and I knew what I liked and didn't like. The challenge is always across the board the language barrier unless you can speak Chinese. Also setting apart real antiques from replicas is somewhat of a feat. If you don't care one way or the other then, you'll be fine just start the bidding. If you are non-Asian, keep in mind that they see sucker written on your forehead. Prove them wrong, but don't insult them. start about 30% lower than what they offer. If they come up go down a little more, then say no. They understand no, but refuse to hear it. They will follow you a bit muttering stuff to you, but say "no." Then they'll either pull out paper and hand you a pin, or a cell phone, and of course the "Big Calculator." Put in your off and keep it moving. It is important not to get frustrated and never let them see you sweat. At the end of the day, if you leave an item behind then it wasn't yours to begin with. If they chase after with a price you can live with then you win. They win because they make a profit, and you get to take home whatever it was they were selling.

Buddha's Gotta Get Paid

If your goal while vacationing is to see the most sites possible that the town or city has to offer, then a guided tour is the way to go. If you don't mind exploiting the history of the town by taking pictures in front of monuments that you have no clue about, get on the charter bus. As I decided to take a tour of Shanghai, just to say, "hey I've been there," I knew there would be some level of exploitation that we would encounter. Exploitation comes with the territory when you're a tourist. If you've been site seeing anywhere whether it be to the Statue of Liberty or to the Egyptian Pyramids, you've played a part in the commercialization of some historical monument. In Egypt, I paid to walk into a pyramid to see nothing, and then just walk back out. I've been to the Colesseum in Rome where men stand outside in gladiator costumes charging 5 Euros to have your picture taken. My favorite was in Costa Rica on a trek through the rain forest, where we met "indigenous people", who go down in history as the "Copy-Copy people". All of these sightseeing adventures were at a cost of exploiting the cultures for a buck. Are tourist victims of local opportunist who willingly exploit their cultures, or did these entrepreneurs just supply the demand? The top of my list to date is my visit to the Jade Buddha Temple. This temple is a place of solitude and peace, but how can that be? If daily it is disrupted by tourist snapping shots of people praying and honoring the "enlightened one", when do the monks experience their awakening? I'm guilty of taking in my 2 cameras and snapping away. Taking photos with hopes of adding one more Buddha statue to my collection. However, I can't help but feel a since of guilt as I snapped shots while a family was sending off a love one to Nirvana. One of the family members yelled to the tourist who were taking photos as ashes flew wildly, to stop and leave his family to say farewell to their relative. I know that tourism is a huge part of keeping economies flowing, but does it have to be so cheesy and over the top. I mean is nothing sacred? The monks were pushing their own tea.

I swear once, you've been on one guided tour, you've been on them all. Unless I've been choosing the wrong tours, they all lack creativity or originality. The guides speak very fast as if they've memorized the script. Each visit to a site is rushed. They always take you to the typical sites to see in the town, and they always take you to see how something is made. Like in Shanghai, after visiting the Shanghai Museum and the Jade Budda Temple we ended the day at the Shecy Pearl Company, where we learned how to determine a brilliant pearl from a fake. Then comes the handshake, the part where you expected to purchase something cheesy that screams, "I'm a sucker tourist." I admit, I bought some pearls, and I don't even fancy pearls. As matter of fact I think they scream, "I'm a boring chick who wants boring status." No offense to "cool chicks who rock pearls." Whatever the tour entails just know that no one is innocent in preserving the historical value of a site of interest.

Effectively Pointing Your Way To Success

If you're China, and you have no clue how to ask for anything, perhaps you should learn the art of pointing. If your upbringing was anything like mine, you were told that pointing is rude. Never quite understanding that rule, I just followed suit. However, I'm in China and the only thing I can remember from my simple phrase guide is "knee how" which means hello and "sheh sheh" (thank you). So when the hotel "drive me here" card no longer works, it's time to get to pointing your way success. There's all sorts of points. There's the "curious, confused point", "the get the hell away from me point", and my favorite, the "I want that point". It's simple, find what you want, and if you want to know the price, just point to the tag. You'll be so surprised as to how much easier and less frustrated you'll be if you just stop trying to communicate verbally. If you're only going to be in China for two weeks or so, why learn phrases that you won't know how to respond to? If anything, once you ask one of those phrases, the locals are going to assume you speak the language, and they'll start speaking fast. Then you'll end up more confused than you started off. So just start pointing and using bootleg sign language. Example, I went into a cosmetics store looking for hair products, and all I did was pull my hair. The sales associate took me right over to the hair products. Being a mute is healthy sometimes. It's time to use your intuitive survival skills. Throw away your western intelligence for the moment, and pick up "cave man instincts." Life in China will be so much more pleasurable, if you just learn the art of pointing.

Not in China Town

Learn a little Chinese before you arrive in China, or you feel like Jodie Foster in the movie "Nell". My boyfriend kept telling me that hardly anyone speaks English in China. I thought that he was just exaggerating, because I've been to several countries where there's always someone who speaks English. However, I was in for a rude awakening. After going through customs and getting my luggage, I knew the adventure was about to begin. Since the night before I left, I made the decision to take the bus instead of the train from Shanghai Pudong Airport to where my boyfriend was in Nanjing. The train just seemed like to many steps to take. (Great decision I will say). So as I headed out door because a guy who looked official pointed to across the street when I asked him where the bus for long distance was. Since across the street was just a wall, I listened to my inner guidance, which lead me a little bit down from across the street where I saw a sign that said, "Long Distance Bus". However, as I approached the you could either go up or down. Either way was a nightmare with my 50lb bag, computer and heavy bag full of snacks. My inner guidance said go up. Bingo, there they were buses. So then I decided to ask an American Airline's pilot where might I buy bus tickets. He was useless. Again inner guidance said. go straight to the right. There it was a dirty little building with a nasty little box office. All I knew to say was, "Nanjing," because I neglected to print out a card saying, "I need to buy a bus ticket to Nanjing." The chick at the box office said something in Chinese and said 136 RMB, and 450. so I then assumed that 450 meant 4:50. Then a guy comes over, the one of them that speaks English, "yellow bus". I didn't understand him clearly, so he repeated, "One, two, three fooooooor, yellow bus." I bought the ticket praying that they weren't playing me. Right then and there I realized that this trip was going to be about trust and faith. Trusting my instincts (God) and trusting God's people. Still unsure that I was going on the right bus, I went over to the "one, two, three, foooor yellow bus" and said, "Nanjing?" He then yelled something in Chinese and pointed for me to go to the waiting room. Now for an interruption sponsored by our friends at Procter and Gamble, "Take toilet tissue to China. You'll stay dry."I know that came out of nowhere, but you gotta take it with you. To think, I was going to leave it. My mother told me to pack some since people have to urinate in holes there. Good thing I listened and packed it. Now back to the story. So while waiting the less enlightened part of me was still unsure that they sold me the right ticket to Nanjing. So there was an older couple standing by the "one, two, three, foooor yellow bus." I pointed to the ticket and said, "Nanjing."

The older gentleman said in basic English, "You want to go to Nanjing?" Finally I could breath. Someone gets me. O.k. that's a stretch, but now they could be like my guardian angels. They reminded me of the Asian version of my parents. The man took me under his wing, (get it angels have wings) and lead me to the phone where I could call boyfriend to let him know that arrived in Shanghai, and that I was on my way. He was so nervous about me traveling alone. I was too, but I couldn't let him know, because, I'm a world traveler and world traveler's don't get nervous. So I had a five hour bus ride ahead of me and now I can exhale. Accept in China obviously smoking is still in style. The bus was a "smoke fest." Not to mention a "gross out fest" with all of the clearing the throats and spitting. O.k.nothing grosses me out more than seeing people spit. It this point if this were a film we cut to my friend Camille saying, "Are you freaking kidding me everything grosses you out." Anyway, I always catch people spitting and even if it's not the highest on my list "gross outs," it's up there. At any rate, after not being able to sleep much on the lifetime of a plane ride to China, I managed to fall asleep.

As I drifting into a deep sleep, it was suddenly interrupted by the stopping, and yes more clearing of throat and spitting. We were in some parking lot, where some weird music was blasting and there were bright Vegas lights. I instantly went to "concentration camp." I thought the bus driver had taken me to a World War twoesque camp. The bus driver said something in Chinese that of course I didn't understand, so I went to the old guy. He said that we were taking a 20 minute break. He directed me to the toilet. There I was, half sleep and standing over a toilet in the floor. Music still blasting from outside. Am I alive? Is this for real? The lights were really dim and incense were burning (something public American rest rooms follow). I was done. I mean I was really done emotionall, physical, done with toilet. I went to get back on the bus, but it was locked. So there I was shivering in the foggy and polluted Chinese air. Then out of nowhere the bus do opens and almost knocks me down. As the bus road off I realized that the driver could take me anywhere and I wouldn't know if I was in the right place or not. I was vulnerability personified.

As the bus ride comes to end, meaning I saw a sign in english that said, "Nanjing," I decided since guys were spitting in plastic bags on the bus, that I could brush my teeth. My long journey for the day was now on its last leg. Now all I had to do was get a taxi to take me to the hotel. Simple. Not. So I got my luggage and preceded to the taxis that were sitting on the street. I pulled out my sheet with the hotel address on it, thinking that I had it made. Jokes on me, no one gets it. I'm screwed I thought, until there he was, my guardian angel. He came over to see why I couldn't get a taxi. "Why didn't your boyfriend meet you?" he asked. The truth is he wouldn't have been any good, because he doesn't speak Chinese or know his way around Nanjing. Anyway, while my "guardian angel' was trying to get the drivers to take me to my hotel, I decided to pore out my bag of toothpaste spit. Now that caused a big commotion. No one wanted to drive me because they thought that I threw up. I had to plee to them that I was fine. The older gentleman said, "They want to know if you are O.K." After that big commotion one driver emerged and said that it would be 30 RMB to take me to my hotel. In retrospect, I got got, because the hotel was less than 10 minutes away, and should have cost 10 rmb. Granted 30 Rmb work out to be about $4, it's still the principle. As soon as I got the hotel, I got down on my knees like an "Extreme Homemaker" receiver. Not really, that's not my style. However, I had a big sigh of relief and wanted a glass of wine, but my body clock was still on central standard time, so technically it was just 8 in the morning.