I'm not a HIGH FIVER

That's right I don't high five. I don't say that's hot. I don't say I'm rocking this or that. I'm a yes or no kind of girl. If you ask me what's new, I might say "not much", for lack of desire to elaborate. Idol conversation is not my thing. I am happy when you achieve something, however, I don't know how to share your same level of enthusiasm. When you get new shoes, I might say, "those are nice," but that's it. Not because, I'm mean or a hater, stuff for you just doesn't move me. That doesn't make me selfish, because I'm a very giving person. I can right YAY without a problem, but to express it verbally, just doesn't sound right coming out of my mouth. I've been described as being like the cartoon character Darya. Not so much, because I'm silly. I relate mostly to Miranda on "Sex and the City," but I have many Charlotte and Carrie tendacies. If I was one of the "Girlfriends" I would say I have the wit of Toni and Lynn, and the OCD of Joan. But really, I'm me. I laugh a lot more than the average person. I also probably cry more as well. Does that make me bipolar? Nah, I don't like certain labels.

I use to write off my lack of enthusiasm for things as, I just don't excite. Not all false. I do excite, just not the way everyone else does. I don't emote like everyone, it's more internal. Unless, I'm having relations. T to the M to the I. When someone says something clever or poignant, I'm not inclined to high five them. High-fiving actually makes me uncomfortable for some reason, it's so unnatural to me. Seriously, I've given this some serious thought. There are those who high five and those who don't. I have a friend, actually several friends from Detroit, who high five to everything. When then they throw their hands up to touch mine, it's as if a gravity pull shoots through my arm resisting it. I then do it, and it turns out as I expected, I feel idiotic for doing it. As I stated before, I'm not one to get excited, or even be interested for that matter in someone else's shoes. That type of stuff doesn't get a rise out of me. I just had a situation with a friend, who had on a new pair of shoes, and she said, "You see my new shoes?" I looked at them, and they were nice, so I said, "They're nice." However, she wanted me to react differently. She went on to say, "What, you don't compliment people?" It's not that, it's just that nine times out of ten, I just can't get excited for something that has nothing to do with me. Even things that have to do with me don't really move me either. I use to actually think there was something wrong with me until I saw an episode of 'Sex and City" where Miranda told people that she was having a boy, and everyone was excited but her. She even went on to say that she faked a boy. At that moment, I knew I wasn't alone in the world. Recently, when I was in Vegas, a bride passed by, and my friend said, "You look beautiful," to the bride. I just stood there. She then turned to me and said, "Dena, why didn't you say she looked beautiful?"

I responded, "Because, I didn't think she looked beautiful." As messed up as it sounds, I didn't think she was beautiful for many reasons, and should I be expected to lie to someone. Should I? No, not gonna happen. I am honest, unless I have to get out of a sticky situation.

My friend, who was probably annoyed from spending so much time with me, turned to me and said, "All brides are beautiful." That's debatable, but needless to say, it made me question myself (as everything does), because I'm so introspective, and self-aware.

Was I wrong for not acknowledging when people look better than normal? Am I a mean person, because I don't come to your level of excitement? People compliment me often, and I must admit it makes me uncomfortable. As I've grown, I've managed to just say 'thank you,' but before, if someone would say, "Your hair looks nice today."

I would combat them with, "What was wrong with it yesterday?"

I would always say, I can't help it, that's just the way that I am. However, a friend of mine recently mentioned something that she took away from a seminar that some might call a cult, but they frankly state that, behavior is not your nature, it's simply who you are choosing to be at that moment. Was I choosing to be aloof?

Since, I'm always on a quest for growth, I've made it a challenge to engage in idol conversation even if it makes my skin crawl like it often does. I remember recently, a friend asked me about another friend. I said, "She's fine." and my friend responded, "Just fine, that's all." The old me would be screaming inside, "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? I DON'T WANT TO DISCUSS HER!" The new me decided to elaborate, "Oh she's fine and the baby's getting big." I know that isn't much of a leap but, for me, it speaks volumes. It's about putting forth effort to build and nurture my relationships. Whether, I like it or not, small talkers get ahead. Bullshit conversation about hair, and clothes, keep the world moving. I remember, I was interviewing for a job once, and looked over and noticed that the lady had a beagle. At the time, I wanted a beagle, so I asked her about her dog, and next thing you know, I got a job offer. Bullshit, works everytime.

Dena Does A Documentary

Dena Does a Documentary

In January, I decided that I needed a new adventures for myself, and along came the opportunity to participate in a documentary. I was browsing the people that had visited my profile page on one of the online dating sites, and I saw that a female was looking at my page. So, I decided to send her a friendly letter telling her that I saw her checking out the competition, and I preceded to tell her that I don't swing that way. She responded by telling that she was directing a documentary about a black guy who was a skeptic to online dating. She said that she was going around the country to interview single women, and would be asking them 'why they thought they were a good catch?' Of course, I was interested, I live for stuff like that.

It was a bitterly cold Saturday in Chicago, and I'd just completed running by the lake, and had a first date scheduled for later in the evening. I like to overbook myself in order to feel like I'm living it up. I got to the set, and there were about 7 women already there. All were moderate to highly attractive black 30 somethings to early 40 somethings. Me being the highly attractive one. Wink wink kidding. No I'm not. Needless to say, they were all getting more action than me from what I discovered from their interviews.

The first woman took the hot seat. The director started asking questions. The first was: How old are you? The second was, what's your occupation? The third was why are you single? Now, I've been asked that a million times, and never really answered it, because it was always asked in jest. So instantly, my wheels started spinning, because, oh no what will I say? Will I have a good answer when she finally gets to me? Will I clam up? Will I show my big personality? What, what, what? So there was some technical difficulty, and the lady in the hot seat began asking all of us waiting to be interviewed questions to loosen herself up. So after about 20 minutes they started rolling again. Another question, was the ever so popular, do you have a list, and what's on it? So after about 4 women going before me, I realized that I would either have to liven this thing up and be silly or share my sob story. I chose what was behind door #1, SILLY. Why did I choose silly you ask? Because, I'm Silly, duh, winning. No, I chose not to share the story that I've been sharing so freely for years now. That's the story of boys don't like me wah wah, (which I shared 2 blogs ago, go figure). That's not what I wanted to continue to put in the Universe, and especially not for my film debut.

A lady before me was extremely honest, and sad to me. She really opened up, as was vulnerable on camera. In fact, what she said really stuck with me. She said, she knew she wasn't the prettiest woman, she didn't cook, loved to shop, and wasn't the most financially savvy person, but she was a good person. She felt that she missed the first wave for finding a potential mate, and hopefully she'll get the second round of divorcees. SO SAD, but was it true? I mean it never fails, that the attractive guy that I may spot in Whole Paycheck always has on a wedding ring, and is being drug around by some seemingly controlling woman. The one guy that you might find interesting is taken by some no good, dumb slutty, non-cooking, bad-housekeeoing, bitch. He then realizes about 4 years into their marriage that she's a no good, dumb slutty, non-cooking, bad-housekeeping, bitch. They then get divorced, and he's now off the idea of ever settling down. So was there some truth to what this girl was saying? A lot of the consensus was also that these ladies had been focused on their careers. You know I hear that all the time. However, that was'nt the case for me, and I've had a pretty involved career path, but I never once thought it consumed me to the point that I couldn't have a relationship. Relationships just never presented themselves while I was knee deep into working. Trust me, I'm great with time management and multi-tasking. So were these women just using their careers as an excuse? To be honest, I say FUCK A CAREER. It's SOOOOOOOOO Overrated! I'd rather be a mother with an agenda (i.e. owning a boutique and doing charity work, traveling to exotic lands). I know that's not politically correct to say or even attractive to these "NEW PROFESSIONAL, PUSSY ASS MEN today who don't want to carry the financial responsibility of the household/family. They want an "equal partnership." So, should they lose their job, they know that their wife, who already carry 90% of the load, will pick up yet another chore of being the bread winner of the family.

As the interviews continued, the question of the list came up, and hands down everybody said that they wanted someone with good character, but I think without wanting to feel shallow, they shyed away from the physical qualities that they desired. Some did say they wanted someone 6 feet or taller. One lady who was 5 feet and divorced said that. I'm thinking lady, from now on you can only date 5 foot 8 or shorter, you had your shot.

PEOPLE WAKE UP! No matter what Steve Harvey says, it's not ridiculous to have a criteria for who you want in a mate. Had he had one, he probably wouldn't be on wife number 50. I do agree that you should be able to mirror your list, and not expect this dream guy to be everything that you are not. Let's just say for instance, my list reflects, a list where we would compliment each other, and challenge each other to be the best that we can possibly be with a few physical chemistry traits to boot. Is that so wrong? All in all like my good platonic male friend always says, "You just need to find someone that will put up with your shit."