Cake, that is all!

Did you know that Dena the Explorer is quite the baker? If you're my Facebook friend you should know it. I started baking, because I have an extreme sweet tooth, and the cupcake/cake decorating craze had just taken off, and I wanted a piece of the action. Not to be confused with the movie "A Piece of the Action"(wink at Tamille Caylor) and PUN INTENDED. Plus, I've always been the type to taste something at a restaurant, and then go home to try to recreate it. I tried cake decorating, and let's just say, though I'm an artist, I'm a bit rustic in my technique. Cake decorating is for the more meticulous of people. I'm more of a free flowing artist. Besides, I think that I'm more concerned with flavor, as my blog http://sweetlifeblvd.blogspot.com/ "Cupcakes and the City" will tell you.

So for awhile, I've been on a mission to find the perfect vanilla cupcake, as told in http://sweetlifeblvd.blogspot.com/ "Cupcakes and the City." One that has the perfect texture, the right taste, and loads of moisture. Simple? EH EH! I could go on for days about this topic, but that's not why I'm writing you today. I'm writing you because, cupcakes is a gift from God to me, and as it is 2011, I must use my gifts to get to where I want to in life.

Nay Sayer: GIFT HOW IN THE HELL IS BAKING A CUPCAKE A GIFT?

Dena the Explorer: Cupcakes bring joy to those who enjoy them. It makes the 35 year old single black woman feel like she isn't a statistic. The other day, my friends had a game night, and I was recruited to bring cupcakes. So I made my now infamous Moscato Bubbly Vanilla Cupcakes. The reaction to these cupcakes was like that of Tyrone Biggums showing up for "The Free Crack Give-a-Way." It kind of made me uncomfortable, when this girl kept coming up to me asking me what I put in the cupcakes. Again, I'm finally warming up to compliments at this late age of 29 (;O). As silly as I am, I had to throw it in the host's face, because prior to the party, I told him that the cake was the most important thing to any party. We debated on the subject for a bit, and decided to disagree. He not clairvoyant and in love, couldn't understand, that I was speaking the truth. But whatever.

My six year old niece asked me via video chat the other day, "Um, Dena, what's your most favorite thing in the whole world?" The first thing that came to mind was cake. She said, "Why is cake your most favorite in the whole world?" I had no answer for her. My sister even said out of the blue one day, she asked, "Um, Mama, why does Dena love cake so much." After sitting with my thoughts, the best explanation that I could come up with is, all of my best childhood memories (i.e. birthdays, Christmas, graduations etc.) had a cake somewhere in the mix. Or maybe I'm just a sugar addict. NOPE not claiming that

I said all of that to say, I made a batch of Moscato Bubbly Vanilla Cupcakes for a friend's boyfriend, and have since picked up additional orders. Below is the recipe that I lifted from another website. Mind you I can't give you my secrets, but this one should give you some tasty bragging rights. ENJOY! Like Mr. T (circa mid 80's) on Magic 102 in Houston used to say Bon Appetit UHHH

Ingredients:

Champagne Cupcake Ingredients:

• 2 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 3 tsp. baking powder
• 1 tsp. salt
• 2/3 cup butter
• 1 1/2 cups white sugar
• 3/4 cup champagne (the sweeter the better – even strawberry would be great!!)
• 6 egg whites
• 1 cup love ;D

Sweet Champagne Buttercream Frosting Ingredients:

• 3 1/4 cups powdered sugar
• 1 cup butter, at room temperature
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 3 tablespoons champagne, at room temperature

Method:

To Make The Cupcakes:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Prepare a cupcake pan with liners. (This recipe yielded about 20 for me.)

In a large bowl, cream together butter and sugar until very light and fluffy. Sift flour, baking powder, and salt together, and then blend into creamed mixture alternately with champagne.

In another large clean bowl, beat egg whites until stiff peaks form. Fold 1/3 of the whites into batter to lighten it, then fold in remaining egg whites. Fill the cupcake liners about 2/3 full.

Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 20 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the cake comes out clean.

To Make The Frosting:

With an electric mixer, beat together sugar and butter. Mix on low until well blended, and then on medium for another two minutes. Add vanilla and champagne, beating on medium for another minute.

FREAK, FRIEND, WIFE OR JUMP_OFF

Ladies did you know that men compartmentalize everything? Well they do. You can have the most religious, bible thumping down on his knees, praying guy, who won't do anything morally unjust, until a big ass passes him in a food court, and now he has three 3 chicks on their knees. Or he could be the biggest proponent for family in the nation, but will put his platform to the side for some ass. Men have the ability to separate everything from PUSSY and types of pussies. I hate I had to use that word, (twice at that) but vagina is not what they call it. Truth be told, I actually don't mind it. They have the innate ability to put everything in a category. What category do you feel that you fit in? Let's take a look.

THE FREAK

She is the girl who exudes sex. She looks like she's down for whatever. She is down for whatever. She'll drop it like it's hot. The problem with being the freak is that's what he sees you as, and nothing more, and the freak wants to be loved too.

THE FRIEND/THE COOL GIRL

Every man loves an easy going girl who seems to relate to them, and loves a good laugh. She never brings the drama, and is always at ease. The problem with being the cool girl is NO MAN wants to SLEEP WITH HIS HOMIE!

THE WIFE

She is the one who seems, like she'll be a good mother to his children. She's nurturing and a cheerleader. She's looks like someone that he wants to share is chicken with. She makes him feel at ease without being a pushover. Problem is most guys aren't initially looking for a wife, so to exude that early on can get problematic.

THE JUMP OFF

Now the Jump-Off and freak are similar except the freak at least has a chance of being upgraded, but the Jump-Off will always be just for sex.

One thing to consider, is no one is one dimensional. You may find that a wifey can straddle the freakdom fence or the freak can bake a great cheesecake. Ideally, I believe most men want both. "A LADY IN THE STREETS AND A FREAK IN THE BED." That's why perception is everything. What energy are you giving off?

MAMA PLEASE SKIP THIS PARAGRAPH

It has become quite clear to me that I've been perceived as the "FRIEND/COOL GIRL." It's not a cool place to live. Because every group defined above is having sex but the "Cool Girl." Recently, I was speaking candidly with a friend who's name is a popular Mexican drink. She's always so poised and eloquent in her speech, but this night she laid it out and said, "LOOK YOU TELL THAT NIGGA, IF HE AIN'T COMING OVER HERE TO FUCK, THEN DON'T COME OVER!" I mean I knew she had it in her, but that was the first time it came out. "YOU NEED STOP BEING SO COOL WITH THESE DUDES!" I couldn't do that, as comfortable as I am with guys, not with a guy that I'm interested in. I become so meek. It's so disgusting!

Popular Mexican Drink was right! I looked back at my history with guys. All my relationships started with some discussion of Hip Hop or something sports related or some smart ass funny comment. OH I CAN GET DOWN WITH THE WORSE OF THEM. I've always had the ability to relate to guys very well. I remember in high school that I was so cool with my friends boyfriend to the point where she made a few off the cuff comments that escape me now, but the gist of it was, 'why don't you date him if yall laugh so much?'. We shared a bond over the movie "Houseparty," and laughed at all of the same stuff, but there was nothing there, and I don't do that to any woman as a rule. Or how I was the only girl in the Hip Hop circle in 9th grade. I knew more about hip hop than any of those boys, and they listened to me. I remember this guy that I actually had a relationship with, once told me that if I had had every member of WuTang's album, that he would've sucked my toes. Needless to say, Cappadonna ruined that offer. That relationship started out ambiguous because, for the longest we were in friend zone, because I was one of the guys.

Why have I been so cool with these guys to the point where they didn't see me as a sexual being? Cuz, I am cool DUH! Is it because, I was so relaxed with them, because, I didn't think they liked me? (refer back to an earlier blog, "Be Careful What You Affirm For") Bingo! The good side is I have a pretty good friend base of guys.

NOTE: Let me just clarify that in my 30 something years, there has only been one platonic friend that I was actually sexually attracted to. CAPISH!

I've been told by guys, "Stop acting so hard." That comment, I never understood, because, I'm never acting, and then I'm always a lady. Aside from being a bit of a smart ass, I wouldn't consider my behavior to be "HARD." I've been told that I give off a vibe that, 'if you're not coming correct then don't come at all," Which that's good and bad, because, I like a that men don't see me as someone that they would want to just throw away, but I would like to be thrown, on the bed that is. It's like I wear a sign, "Don't even think about having phone sex with me." Which is so far from the truth, my sister and I used to practice as kids. Below is a bit of our phone sex routine:

ME: Touch yourself on the nipples...Cuz that's WHAT (DEEP VERA DIMALO VOICE) I WANNA DO!

NOTE TO DUDES WHO MAY BE READING THIS: DON'T CALL ME AND EXPECT ME TO BREAK OUT INTO PHONE SEX WITH YOU. CAPISH!

So in effort to change, my energy, because that's what this whole blog is about, I have to find a balance with that whole "friend thing," because I can't help that I'm one of the coolest chicks you'll ever meet, but what good is being cool, when at the end of the night your male friends are going home to their not as funny, not as pop culture savvy, not as stylish, not as domestic girlfriends or wives, and I'm just going home horny and unfulfilled to a whiny dog.

NOTE: THAT WAS NOT A DISS TO MY MALE FRIENDS SIGNIFICANT OTHERS BECAUSE SOME OF YOU HAVE BECOME MY FRIENDS.

So remember perception is everything. Perception is reality, and whatever vibe that you are giving off is the only vibe that guys can see.

A BUM GAVE ME A GIFT

Actually two bums gave my friends and me a gift. One gave a dollar to my friend. How rare is that? A homeless person giving away money. Wait, let me clarify, I am by no means dismissing them because they are homeless. Bum has always been a funny word to me. Like that makes it better. So in 2006, we were shooting a Crest commercial in downtown LA. The set was pretty much open, because video village was set up on the sidewalk. So the director is rolling, and we're watching, and along comes this guy just a smiling from cheek to cheek. He had very aged somewhat sun damaged brown skin, and about 4 teeth. He stops and looks intensely at us and says, "IT'S GETTING KIND OF DIM, YOU NEED TO LIGHTEN UP BULB!" I looked at my friend who's name rhymes with Tamille Caylor, with a smirk that suggested I wanted more. So without asking he said it again, but even louder and even more emphatic "I SAID, IT'S GETTING KIND OF DIM, YOU NEED TO LIGHTEN UP BULB!" So we, being the silly girls that we are, decided to give him some direction, I mean we were on the set of a commercial.

US: andddddddddd ACTION,

HESTER: I SAID, IT'S GETTING KIND OF DIM, YOU NEED TO LIGHTEN UP BULB!

US:Marker, Take 2,

HESTER: I SAIDuh, IT'S GETTING KIND OF DIM, YOU NEED TO LIGHTEN UP BULB!

US: Ok, okay this time do it with a smile.

HESTER: (gentler)I SAID, IT'S GETTING KIND OF DIM, YOU NEED TO LIGHTEN UP BULB!

Then our creative directors came over and broke up the party, as they always do. Before he left the set, he let out this laugh that I can still hear at times. It was a high pitched almost cackle mixed with a hiss. He was so happy, as if he'd finally made it in Hollywood. At least that's the story that I created. That he'd moved to LA from St. Louis to make it on Sanford and Son, but when he got to the set, they kicked him to the curve. So he got caught up in drugs, which explains his missing teeth.

He gave me the gift of, "I SAIDuh, IT'S GETTING KIND OF DIM, YOU NEED TO LIGHTEN UP BULB!" because five years later, I think about it when I feel low. There are many true statements when it comes to life's trials, for instance the ever popular, "THIS TOO SHALL PASS." I say that often to friends who are going through stuff, but there's just something about "I SAIDuh, IT'S GETTING KIND OF DIM, YOU NEED TO LIGHTEN UP BULB!" One, I have a memory of good times to attach to it. Two, sometimes we take things and ourselves so seriously, that we need to lighten up and see that it's not that deep or serious. Hold on, give me a minute to digest that, and believe it. TICK TOCK TICK TOCK. Okay, I'm going to have to get back to you on that one. Wait no. Alright, YES. It does work, because I was feeling a little icky, and hormonal, and off balance, which inspired this blog today, and I immediately redirected my thoughts to something lighter and brighter. So thank you Mr. Hester (that's what I named him.) ONE MORE TIME FOR THE PEOPLE, BUM: "I SAIDuh, IT'S GETTING KIND OF DIM, YOU NEED TO LIGHTEN UP BULB!"

Be Careful What You Affirm for

This particular post, will be by far the most revealing one yet. I'm actually hesitant to write it, because of the new opinions that will be formed about me. Since only my sister, and my friend whose name rhymes with Tamille Caylor are the only 2 people reading this, I will continue to share because they already know my darkest secrets. Well, as I'm already editing in my head, I will just say it. My dating life has been pretty, how do you say? Um, this is too embarrassing to continue. I'm changing the subject. GOTCHA! No, I have no secrets and only tell a few lies once every blue moon.

Ok, so I grew up chubby. I developed quite early. I had breasts at age 9. I was always teased, and called fat. In retrospect, I wasn't that fat. So this kid, who I'd always had an adversarial relationship with since 5th grade named Thomas Lucario said in 7th grade, "Dena, you're fat and you'll never have a boyfriend." As I am tearing up while typing, I will say, it's not because of what he said, but the fact that I spent many many years, believing it. I always give that credit to that particular kid, but there were so many boys who said it to me. My older brother's friends would call me Dolly(Parton that is), Miss Piggy(who was my hero, so that wasn't quite an insult). It's a shame that I spent my middle school days, high school days, and even college days believing that boys just didn't like me. Which is so ridiculous, because 1.) I'm very attractive, 2.) I was a cheerleader, and and 3.)I have a bunch of platonic male friends. Though I don't endorse that belief as much, it still comes up from time to time. As I got older and more wiser, and realized that my lack of dates or boyfriends had little to do with my body, but more so the energy that I putting out, and the words that I constantly spoke regarding my situation or lack thereof.

TYPICAL THINGS THAT WOULD COME OUT OF MY MOUTH:

I feel invisible to men.

Men never approach me!

Black men only like big butts, and I'm definitely lacking there.

I'm too thick for white me, who care though.

Why don't men talk to me?

I'm not a perky girl, and men like perky girls.

I'm too funny.

Are men scared of me?

Men scare me.

Men only see me as their homie.

So, I created this 20 years plus experience for myself. I'm not going to lie, I still fight all that internally on a daily. At one point, I dreaded going out, because, I felt like I would always be left standing dancing by myself. Not only did this effect my dating, it's effected my career. I created a solitude for myself because of it. In college, I withdrew because I didn't feel like I could relate to other girls because, I hadn't dated, and all they talked about were guys and sex. It's so insane, how I allowed that to paralyze me.

So over the years, I've began working on this issue. A few years back, I decided to take the punk route, and I started internet dating. By punk route, someone asked me why I was internet dating. I said, "because it's easier." Their response was, "What kind of outcome do you expect to get from that?" He meant that if you are avoiding the real issue then nothing good can come from that. That was so true. Nothing against all of the people who have found amore on the internet, but for me, it's important that I get comfortable with the natural way of meeting men. Now, I've had some decent relationships in my life. As a matter of fact, my last boyfriend, was a very good guy. I would bring him to one of those party's where you bring your ex. We just weren't on the same on anything.

So over the years, I've believed that affirmations worked, and would say them from time to time, but it wasn't until this past year in Detroit that I consciously made them apart of my daily ritual. My goal was to date, because I'd been on a hiatus longer than I'd anticipated. I was new and I felt like it well overdue. So somewhere along the way, I decided that my mantra would be.

"I radiate love. Men adore me." I decided that I would think it and say as I walked my dog in the mornings. Well the plot is about to thicken in 5,4,3,2,1. So one evening, while walking my dog, I'm minding my business, along comes this guy from across the street at the grocery store.

He was decent looking. His wardrobe was pretty suspect, but I wasn't going to hold that against him, because I'm not shallow like that. BIG MISTAKE. So the guy approaches me all happy eyed. He had nice skin, which is important to me. So I gave the guy my number at that instance my dog started doing something really weird like snorting and choking at the same time. So I had to run off to the vet down the street. I talked to the guy, and sounded a little off, but I wrote it off as silly. He kept saying how he was a good catch, because he owned a condo in Southfield. OKAYY, who cares. Anyhow, Saturday rolls around and he made arrangements to go out in a half ass way. He texted me saying, "It's going down at some bowling alley at 11:30" I'm thinking, I ain't meeting this clown at NO bowling alley, at NO 11:30 at night on No first date. So I texted him back saying that was too late for me. He said ok we can go to a movie or meet for pizza at around 7ish. Take a mental note, he didn't clarify what exactly we were doing, or what exact time, or the address for that matter. So 6:30 rolls around and I hadn't heard from him, so I was ready to be like DEUCES, but I was bored. (*SIDE NOTE: One reason I tend to go out with people that don't excite me or interest me, because I'm bored. Not doing that anymore.) Back to the story. I texted him, saying what's up. He said, "YEAH, meet me at the (name escapes me) movieplex, I'm here now. No address was given or anything, and I'm still fairly new to the city.

So at that point, I had a change heart, which Bobby Brown says is my prerogative. So I texted him, saying, "No thank you, we probably wouldn't work." Bad I know. But ill, I was not feeling that dude at all. So he called me while I was in the bathroom, and left a foul message that goes a little like this, "What you too Bougie to go to a muthafuckin dollar movie? You think I'm cheap because I was taking you to a Dollar Show? Well fuck you." So I ignored, and said thank you God from saving me from that HOT MESS. So I continued my boring evening, RING RING RING RING.

Me:Hello

DUDE: (In a civil tone)Yeah, Dena you kind of pissed me off by that text message.

Me: Ok, you didn't have to curse me out, and furthermore, I didn't cancel because it was a Dollar Movie. I didn't even know it was a DOLLAR MOVIE. I canceled because of the lack of planning, I told you that I was knew in town, you didn't even bother giving me an address or anything. and honestly I just decided that I was no longer interested.

DUDE: Oh, I forgot you were new in town (YEAH, BUT WE DISCUSSED THAT IN LENGTH) thought you thought I was cheap. Well it was a miscommunication. So we can go out.

Me: Uh we are not going out, you are a loose cannon and a hot head.

DUDE: (Getting heated) How you gone say, I'm a loose cannon?

Me: Well you cursed me out on voicemail.

DUDE: I never cursed you out.

At that point I realized my dog had gotten ink all over the sofa.

Me: I have to go, my dog just ink all over sofa.

DUDE: OK call me back

Me thinking. CALL YOU BACK LOL.

Days go by, and I've kind of forgotten about him. I get a voicemail.

DUDE: Hey Dena, now let's forget about that misunderstanding and get together. I'm a good catch.

I texted him saying. DUDE, IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN, TAKE CARE.

About an hour later I get another voicemail saying, "UH, DENA, YOU NEED TO GET OVER THAT MISUNDERSTANDING, AND REALZE I'M A GOOD CATCH AND STOP ACTING LIKE A BABY!"

At that point, I've shared this with my co-worker/ friend, and in his style decided to try to scare.

AUB: Man, that Nigga work for the city incinerator, he's gonna burn yo ass up. We ain't gonna ever see you again.

So a few hours go by, and I get another call. Mind you I'm at work. "EH, DENA THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'M GONNA CALL YOU, YOU NEED TO STOP TRIPPIN' AND GIVE US A CHANCE!" So finally, I called him, but I got voicemail. I politely asked him to stop calling me and we could NEVER BE. A few minutes go by. In a very civil voice almost sweet, "Hey, Dena, what's wrong, I mean I'm single, I own my own condo. IMMA GOOD CATCH.

Long story short, he was starting to freak me out, and I didn't want to be one of those missing people, so I went to the Royal Oak Police station, and they called him and threatened him. Oddly a few days later, I was released from my job, but I was watching back and constantly changing my dog walk route.

I said all of that to say, when you use the affirmative technique, be very specific in what you are affirming. Coincidently, a friend of mine in Gary, adopting that same mantra, and guy in Popeye's parking lot professed his love for her. Now my mantra is, I radiate love, Love comes to me easily and effortlessly, as I give love, I'm supplied with more. And also I attract healthy and loving relationships. And so it is.

My Mind Keeps Telling Me No, but my bodeeeeeee...

Kelly and I are different in that respect. My mind will tell me "yes," and my body tells me "no." As I'm on this quest to grow spiritually, and to become more at peace with myself, the constant challenge of listening to my inner guidance verses the logical mind comes up constantly. Example, almost exactly a year ago, I made the pilgrimage to the great city of Detroit. I was offered a job that paid well, and it was in the field that I'd previously been in for the past 11 years. I knew very well that I was tired of Advertising, and it wasn't my passion, but the money was hard to resist. Right then and there, my mind took over. Logically, the givens were, you have a mortgage, a considerable amount of debt, and a desire for change, and to live abundantly. However, being that I've been studying spiritual law, intuition, faith, and all that stuff, I knew that if my heart wasn't in it, no good could come from it. Unfortunately, I didn't follow my inner guidance, so boy was I in for a ride.

So as soon as I arrived, I immediately started hitting myself in the head (literally) for going against my inner guidance(God). I paced back in forth crying in my less than desirable loft apartment. What had I done? I left my "Sex and the City" lifestyle on a budget (minus the sex :( sad face). To go to a depressed city, and to a high stress job that I didn't want. To make a really long story short. My introduction to the job, was like BOOYAH FOOL YOU DIDN'T LISTEN, NOW YOU MUST PAY. We worked until 5 in the morning my first three days, and I was operating on fumes because I'd literally just moved my stuff, and had to go to work (thanks to my partner who requested that I come in.) Back up, let me clarify one thing, I don't believe in punishment, however, I do believe in consequences for your actions, and what you put out you get back. The term payment, is only the way that I know how to describe the feeling of not going with my gut or God on my decision. So, I worked almost every weekend and holidays for about 2 months, and then 2 months of on and off foolishness, to get as they say "laid off due to company cutbacks." A fancy way of saying, "Bitch we don't like you, your attitude, or your work, KICK ROCKS and here's a BITCH ASS SEVERANCE PACKAGE FOR YOUR TROUBLES!"

Now let's look deeper into the matter, because a lesser person would blame them. THEY DID THIS TO ME! However, we all know that Dena tends to turn everything inside, and is able to look at everything objectively. RIGHT? Kind of. I do know how to see myself clearly even if I don't admit it to you, but things I know are: Dena has a tendency not to show enthusiasm. Dena doesn't like to anywhere against her will for more than an hour, SO THOSE LONG ASS FUCKED UP HOURS WERE FOR THE FUCKING BIRDS!!!(Pardon me I don't usually write like that)Dena loves freedom. Dena can be destructive. Dena is a powerful being, and people don't understand her energy, so they usually write it off as negative.

(Example, everybody can be mouthing off about how they hate their job, but who gets heard? You guessed it DENA!) "Dena. She's controlling people." THAT SHIT WAS ACTUALLY EXPRESSED TO ME once by one of my former boss's confidants. REALLY? I wish that I knew my own strength. Anyhow, back to what Dena knows about Dena. Dena knows that she likes to be the center of of attention, BUT ONLY ON DENA'S TERMS. Dena knows that she can't speak confidently, if she doesn't believe in something. Dena knows that she tends to clam up when it's time to perform, if she doesn't know every detail. Dena knows that when she doesn't want to do something, you're wasting your energy trying to convince me. Dena knows that Dena is very very very sensitive, and will cry at a drop of a hat. Dena knows baseball. Dena knows when people aren't feeling Dena. Dena knows when people are lying. Dena knows she needs to get out of her head. Dena knew that she made a bad decision the moment she accepted the job. Dena knows that she doesn't blame those people for "laying her off." Dena knows that she would laid her off too. Dena knows she met nice people there. Dena knows that somewhere deep down inside Aubrey is still playing that "Intervention" video at work. Dena knows she's lost the two readers that she had, and must reel herself back to the moral of the story.

So the moral to the story is. PAUSE... TAKING A MINUTE TO FIGURE IT OUT. So the moral to the story is, when you go against you gut/inner guidance/God/intuition or what have you, the outcome can only take you off course. Mind you, while in Detroit, I had some very enriching experiences. I met good people to add to my Facebook list. I discovered my inner vixen(pole dance). I took a chance. I grew to appreciate Chicago. I became more dedicated to working out. I incorporated affirmations into my life, which attracted a stalker(next blog on the power of affirming).

However, in going against the gut, I became somewhat ill. My blood pressure went up, I began having Tony Soprano-esque anxiety attacks to the point of where I couldn't move. One instance, I was in the gym, and out of nowhere, my heart started racing, my stomach started cramping, and I was dizzy beyond belief. I had to get myself in an inconspicuous way to a bench to sit down, while feeling like I was going to pass out. At that point, I knew it was only a matter of time before this adventure in Detroit was up. I began having dreams that I was fighting with my creative director, (man I wanted to punch his little Boys to Men ass on a daily, but I'm non violent.) I knew that that since I knew the law, that my decision was creating these responses in my life. Do you know that I actually wished that they would fire me after being on the phone with my Creative Director at 2 am over the Fourth of July weekend? I kept thinking about it, so what happens the Universe/God, said "As you wish Dena." July 29th, my brother's birthday. I got a call from HR saying that they wanted to speak to me, so I picked up my purse and headed up there. DENA KNEW WHAT THAT CALL MEANT. I remember the Hr chick saying to the other one, "Wow, she brought her purse." I then said, "I knew it was coming." They said how. "I said I'm clairvoyant." Then while they started reading my the walking papers, I just stared off into space in a daze, like WOW This shit is really happening. I was scared and elated at the same time. I wanted out that Bitch SOOOOOOO bad. I packed my place so fast, and headed to Beverly, I mean Bronzeville. I got my wish, but nevertheless, all of that could've been avoided, had I just listened and been obedient, but oh well. I'm back in Chicago, doing this blogging THANG, and Graphic Design THANG, working to be obedient to the process. I actually just had a melt down today, but this too shall pass, and on to the next adventure.

This Playlist Was Only Built 4 Cuban Linx

People have many different motivators when it comes to completing the task of a a hard workout. For some, it's just good old self disciple. For others, it takes a loud instructor yelling at them. For me it's the music! Actually, for me in most instances it's the music. If the dee-jay's not spinning what I want to hear, I'm up out fast. So if you ever, wondered why I left your party so early, you can best believe, it was your music or lack of single men (but that's another blog).

So while training for this 5k, I knew that I would have to make a playlist that would keep me energized or shall I say crunk. At first glance most people would never guess that I'm a HIP HOP HEAD from way back. So as I dug into the crates (commonly known as I-tunes), I started pulling together songs that would always get me to the dance floor. Oddly enough a lot of the choices are not songs that a "Hip Hop Purist" such as myself would ever put on a best lyrics list or lyricist for that matter.

One in particular. "Scarred" by Uncle Luke. Really? Yes, really. PURE-D-IGNORANCE, but it brings back the memories of my ATL days. Right when I'm ready to quit, it comes on and gives me that crunk juice that I need to continue. Would you believe that "Jenny From the Block" made the list? Yes, it did. Aside from her baby vocals, the beat is nice. I know the Hip Hop heads are saying but why didn't you put "Watch Out Now" by the Beatnuts on the list? Well JFTB moves a little bit faster, and the lyrics inspire me. Below is my current playlist that I usually have shuffling while I train.

Time for Sum Aksion 3:25 Redman

IT AIN'T HARD TO TELL 2:02 NAS

Run This Town Tonight 4:35 Jay-Z ft Kanye West & Rihanna (Dirty)

Scarred (dirty) 3:28 Luke Uncle Luke

Scenario 4:10 A Tribe Called Quest

Banned From TV 5:12 Noreaga N.O.R.E.

Shook Ones 4:19 Mobb Deep

Terminator X To

The Edge Of Panic 4:31 Public Enemy

Tight 3:14 Rah Digga

Paper Thin 5:15 MC Lyte

Solo Power

(Let's Get Paid) 3:31 Salt-N-Pepa

Swagger Like Us 5:36 T.I feat. Kanye West, Jay-Z & Lil Wayne

Who Shot Ya 5:22 Biggie Smalls

Grinding 4:25 Neptunes, The Clipse, & Pharell Williams

Poison 4:20 Bel Biv Devoe

Super High (feat Ne-Yo) 3:52 Rick Ross

Champion 2:48 Kanye West

Check the Rhime 3:37 A Tribe Called Qwest

Cherzchez LaGhost 3:12 Ghostface Killah

The Choice is Yours 4:03 Black Sheep

Clips 3:16 Ghostface Killah

Dey Know 3:18 Shawty Lo

Do It Again

(Put Ya Hands Up) 4:39 Jay-Z

Dreams 3:06 Notorious B.I.G.

Ebonics (Premo Mix) 3:01 D.I.T.C. Diggin' In The Crates

Elevators 4:25 Outkast ATLiens Rap/Hip-Hop

Exhibit C 5:31 Jay Electronica

Face Off 3:32 Jay-Z

Go 3:44 Common

Who said Me Done 3:29 Cutty Ranks

Run (Remix) 4:37 Ghostface Killah

By Your Side 3:52 Jadakiss

Jenny From the Block 3:11 J-Lo

Supersonic 3:56 JJ-Fad

Incarcerated Scarfaces 4:43 Raekwon & Chef Raekwon

Speaking of JJ FAD, be on the watch for albums and songs that were slept on. I've been saying since the 80's that the 2nd side to JJ FAD's album had the stupid dope beats!!! Look out!

#Running and #Winning

One thing I've never gotten pleasure from is running. Maybe running to get a donut or cupcake, but not the actual physical exercise. So 2011 (pronounce 20..11), marks the years of doing things differently. If I in the past said "big boned," this year I will say "big boneded." Last year I walked like a prissy super model wanna be. This year I will walk like George Jefferson. Kidding, though I find his walk very confident and endearing, my walk is actually working for me. You see where I'm going with this, right? I didn't start this exodus on January 1st, because that would be too pedestrian for me, so I waited about two weeks into. Actually, it was the end of a grueling Body Sculpting class, and the instructor asked if anyone was interested in training for the Shamrock Shuffle, and suddenly, I had an epiphany. It was my inner guidance I'm sure, loud and clear saying, "DENA DAWG YOU MUST RUN." My brain kicked in, and said "YEAH RIGHT!" Now I like to exercise, and have been to committed to exercise for about 2 years, but have recently kicked it up a notch, but running, C'MON SON!

I've never liked high impact, because of the double d's, so that kind of excludes most cardio, except for spinning, elliptical machines and dancing. So this was going to be a challenge. Not to mention that the training started in January, and I live in the Arctic (i.e. Chicago). Did I mention that we train by the lake? Below is an excerpt from my journal as narrated by Celie from "The Color Purple"

Week 1

Dear God,

I can't feel my face. I feel like Dumb and Dumber. It was 20-something degrees. I made it.

Week 2

Dear God,

It was 7 degrees! CRAZY! I can no longer feel my fingers? I have on a face mask with frozen snot. Ill!

Week 3

Dear God,

The blizzard this past week was proof that you exist. The fact that I got out of my bed to run in the aftermath, is proof that I am listening to you. It was easier, because the lake was still a disaster we had to run in the neighborhood. It was 27 degrees, so it felt better.

The Narration is now being read by Snoop Dogg from "Murder was the Case"

Week 4

Dear God,

How can it be, that I'm still doing this. You are obviously a powerful force in my life. The guilt alone makes me get out of bed.

Week 5

Dear God,

My period came on the way back from Vegas. (YES I take PERIOD VACAYS) I needed the rest. Separate prayer. Dear God, please don't make my period start for the day of the Shamrock Shuffle? AMEN, AND SO IT IS.

Week 6

Dear God,

A girl in the gym said we are running 3 miles straight. Excuse me, did she just say that? Yes she did. I shocked myself, and ran a mile and a half straight. So I succeeded.

Week 7

Dear God,

That was funny. Though it was 34 degrees, you whipped us with sleet, wind and hail. 4 miles down.

Week 8

Dear God,

I was aching. Oh no is it that time again. PMSING. I know I shouldn't claim it, but it takes me down. I get so tired and fatigued. I still finished. In 56 minutes, but the goal this year is just to finish.

Til next time when I discuss THE POWER OF THE PLAYLIST.

Dena and the Law

No, not the Po-Po silly, the Law of Attraction. Anyone who knows me, knows that I'm always spouting off something that I read in a self-help or spiritual book. Again, anyone that knows me, also knows that it's a challenge for me to live up to the hype that I speak so frequently about.

LET'S PLAY 10...thousand...$...PYRAMID

GIVER:Don't put that out there. Subby (nickname for the Subconscious) doesn't have a sense of humor. Ooh, don't put me in that broke category with you. I AIN'T BROKE, I'm currently fiscally challenged. The light of God surrounds me, the love of god enfolds me....And so it is. What the fuck?! I don't know, I don't care. I can't go cuz, my funds are tight. I know but... Disease starts in the mind. The only thing that is real is love, everything else is a lie. Whattttttever.

RECEIVER: THINGS DENA WOULD SAY!

Yes! All things that Dena would say, that can open doors of opportunity and close them at the same time. We as people, may have all of the intentions to succeed, but because of our learned or inherited beliefs about ourselves and experiences, we cancel it immediately.

It is my goal to attract the greatness that I am due in this life. It is my plan to stay out of my own way. That's right, when the mind is not in the present moment, and is reflecting on the past, and worrying about the future, no progress can be made.

Honestly, I've read too many of the same books with different "lingos." However today's lesson comes from author and metaphysician, Florence Scovel Shinn, who has helped thousands (so it says in the book)

1. Florence Scovel Shinn says in the opening paragraph of "The Game of Life and How to Play it," that life is a game, however, which cannot be played successfully without knowledge of spiritual law, and the Old and New Testaments give the rules of the game with wonderful clearness. Jesus Christ taught that it was a great game of Giving and Receiving.

Whatsoever a man soweth that shall he also reap. This means that whatever man sends out in word or deed, will return to him; what he gives, he will receive.

TAKE A MOMENT To digest that.

I read this book some time ago, and tried some of her techniques mentioned in the book. For instance she mentions that if you desire something that you should act as if you already have it. Well, a few months ago after being laid off AGAIN. I decided that I would not freak out about money, and I would continue to live as if money was still flowing. So my severance was running low, but yet, I made a purchase that I'd been planning to make before the demise of the job. Ok, I will tell you. It was a stripper dance pole. Totally not in the budget and not a necessity, but I knew that that would be the item to send a message to God/Universe that I trusted that my finances would be just fine. Now, I'm not going to lie to you and say the thoughts didn't come up hourly, that that was an irresponsible thing to do. However, my faith and thoughts had to shut that kind of thinking down. That kind of thinking is why people end up nowhere, with nothing. You may ask how to shut the thoughts down that often are loud and obnoxious? Well you must have a playlist of positive thoughts to replace the negative. People who are skeptical and less aware, think that I'm a bit wacky, but FUCK EM, it works. You have to create mantras to make it in this world. Winners all have them.

Back to the lesson. I bought the pole while money was low, but my faith was high. So what happened you ask? On a cold Saturday night I got a call from someone about a lucrative freelance opportunity. GREAT! HOORAY money is flowing again!!!After I hung the phone, I immediately gave thanks to the creator for showing me what I had only spoken about in the past as Truth, but now I actually had a story of my own. What you put out, you get back, but you must stand firm in your convictions along the way. Now I need make this stuff work in my love life ;) I think I will go buy some sexy lingerie (pronounced LINGER-REES) TIL NEXT TIME

Dena the Stylist?

Every since I did my first commercial in March of 2001(10 years ago exactly), I've been intrigued by the job of the "Stylist." They come in with bags of clothes, and their snobby attitudes, and expect you to love everything that they bought. Stylist simply play dress-up for a living, and get paid amazing day rates. Then they give bitchy looks when the client takes away the fly necklace that they designed, which gave the lame nondescript shirt from WalMart some style. CHERISH is the one that stands out in my mind. She was the first stylist I ever worked with, and the only one that I remember by name. Cherish had this bitchy-zen attitude, like she could not be bothered with you if you weren't a vegetarian, didn't have dreads, didn't have stock in Frankinscense & Myrrh, and didn't do yoga, and weren't from New York. She turned me off to stylists. After her, I started to understand the stylist game. Buy a whole bunch of shit in the colors that clients ask for, and come in with an attitude like you are FASHION personified. That's it, done, simple as pie.

So when a friend of mine posted on Facebook the need for a stylist to donate their abilities for a shoot with "True Star Magazine," which is a youth run mag, non-profit, I don't quite know the full details of it, but it seems cool. I jumped at the chance to play that role. Also since, I helped my friend shop for two jobs a few years back, as well as tagging along with Star Jones' celebrity stylist Stacy (whose last name escapes me now), I felt overly qualified to do the job.

MY INITIAL THOUGHTS

First things first, I papa freaks... No really, where were the clothes coming from? They're bringing their own. O.K., but to seem official, I had to do some shopping on my own, right? Right! With what money? Well, I'll just do the old stylist trick. I'll pay for everything on my credit card and take it back. OK, that's a plan.

So as I went shopping, I really got into to pulling things and putting them back. Thinking a lot of it was too old or mature for the teens. WRONG(in the voice of Charlie Murphy)FAST FORWARD to the day of the shoot. Can you say hoochie gear? These girl's brought club attire. In my day, (and I can't believe, I wrote that) girls in high school were all about baggie jeans, totally crossed out, hats to the back, gangsta bitch gear. Not today, where everything is a literal 80's throwback, these chicks are all about showing off their curves wearing tight jeans, off the should Flashdance shirts, Nike Dunks, leggings, and booties. The boys, well let's just say shopping for guys is boring, and these boys had their own flavor, if you know what I mean.

All in all, I tried it, it went fairly well, minus some of the push back from the kids. It was fun, and I'll do it again if asked, and ON TO THE NEXT EXPLORATION.