Ladies did you know that men compartmentalize everything? Well they do. You can have the most religious, bible thumping down on his knees, praying guy, who won't do anything morally unjust, until a big ass passes him in a food court, and now he has three 3 chicks on their knees. Or he could be the biggest proponent for family in the nation, but will put his platform to the side for some ass. Men have the ability to separate everything from PUSSY and types of pussies. I hate I had to use that word, (twice at that) but vagina is not what they call it. Truth be told, I actually don't mind it. They have the innate ability to put everything in a category. What category do you feel that you fit in? Let's take a look.
THE FREAK
She is the girl who exudes sex. She looks like she's down for whatever. She is down for whatever. She'll drop it like it's hot. The problem with being the freak is that's what he sees you as, and nothing more, and the freak wants to be loved too.
THE FRIEND/THE COOL GIRL
Every man loves an easy going girl who seems to relate to them, and loves a good laugh. She never brings the drama, and is always at ease. The problem with being the cool girl is NO MAN wants to SLEEP WITH HIS HOMIE!
THE WIFE
She is the one who seems, like she'll be a good mother to his children. She's nurturing and a cheerleader. She's looks like someone that he wants to share is chicken with. She makes him feel at ease without being a pushover. Problem is most guys aren't initially looking for a wife, so to exude that early on can get problematic.
THE JUMP OFF
Now the Jump-Off and freak are similar except the freak at least has a chance of being upgraded, but the Jump-Off will always be just for sex.
One thing to consider, is no one is one dimensional. You may find that a wifey can straddle the freakdom fence or the freak can bake a great cheesecake. Ideally, I believe most men want both. "A LADY IN THE STREETS AND A FREAK IN THE BED." That's why perception is everything. What energy are you giving off?
MAMA PLEASE SKIP THIS PARAGRAPH
It has become quite clear to me that I've been perceived as the "FRIEND/COOL GIRL." It's not a cool place to live. Because every group defined above is having sex but the "Cool Girl." Recently, I was speaking candidly with a friend who's name is a popular Mexican drink. She's always so poised and eloquent in her speech, but this night she laid it out and said, "LOOK YOU TELL THAT NIGGA, IF HE AIN'T COMING OVER HERE TO FUCK, THEN DON'T COME OVER!" I mean I knew she had it in her, but that was the first time it came out. "YOU NEED STOP BEING SO COOL WITH THESE DUDES!" I couldn't do that, as comfortable as I am with guys, not with a guy that I'm interested in. I become so meek. It's so disgusting!
Popular Mexican Drink was right! I looked back at my history with guys. All my relationships started with some discussion of Hip Hop or something sports related or some smart ass funny comment. OH I CAN GET DOWN WITH THE WORSE OF THEM. I've always had the ability to relate to guys very well. I remember in high school that I was so cool with my friends boyfriend to the point where she made a few off the cuff comments that escape me now, but the gist of it was, 'why don't you date him if yall laugh so much?'. We shared a bond over the movie "Houseparty," and laughed at all of the same stuff, but there was nothing there, and I don't do that to any woman as a rule. Or how I was the only girl in the Hip Hop circle in 9th grade. I knew more about hip hop than any of those boys, and they listened to me. I remember this guy that I actually had a relationship with, once told me that if I had had every member of WuTang's album, that he would've sucked my toes. Needless to say, Cappadonna ruined that offer. That relationship started out ambiguous because, for the longest we were in friend zone, because I was one of the guys.
Why have I been so cool with these guys to the point where they didn't see me as a sexual being? Cuz, I am cool DUH! Is it because, I was so relaxed with them, because, I didn't think they liked me? (refer back to an earlier blog, "Be Careful What You Affirm For") Bingo! The good side is I have a pretty good friend base of guys.
NOTE: Let me just clarify that in my 30 something years, there has only been one platonic friend that I was actually sexually attracted to. CAPISH!
I've been told by guys, "Stop acting so hard." That comment, I never understood, because, I'm never acting, and then I'm always a lady. Aside from being a bit of a smart ass, I wouldn't consider my behavior to be "HARD." I've been told that I give off a vibe that, 'if you're not coming correct then don't come at all," Which that's good and bad, because, I like a that men don't see me as someone that they would want to just throw away, but I would like to be thrown, on the bed that is. It's like I wear a sign, "Don't even think about having phone sex with me." Which is so far from the truth, my sister and I used to practice as kids. Below is a bit of our phone sex routine:
ME: Touch yourself on the nipples...Cuz that's WHAT (DEEP VERA DIMALO VOICE) I WANNA DO!
NOTE TO DUDES WHO MAY BE READING THIS: DON'T CALL ME AND EXPECT ME TO BREAK OUT INTO PHONE SEX WITH YOU. CAPISH!
So in effort to change, my energy, because that's what this whole blog is about, I have to find a balance with that whole "friend thing," because I can't help that I'm one of the coolest chicks you'll ever meet, but what good is being cool, when at the end of the night your male friends are going home to their not as funny, not as pop culture savvy, not as stylish, not as domestic girlfriends or wives, and I'm just going home horny and unfulfilled to a whiny dog.
NOTE: THAT WAS NOT A DISS TO MY MALE FRIENDS SIGNIFICANT OTHERS BECAUSE SOME OF YOU HAVE BECOME MY FRIENDS.
So remember perception is everything. Perception is reality, and whatever vibe that you are giving off is the only vibe that guys can see.
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